Tinder Loving Care

The First Thing I Learned On Tinder

It’s Raining Men!

The first thing I learned on Tinder is that there are a lot of single men, age 45 and older, within a fifty-mile radius of my house in Sherman Oaks, CA.  Who knew!

Later, I would learn that there are a lot of single men within a fifty-mile radius of any place I was at – be it Santa Fe, New Mexico or Rome, Italy (Yes, they Tinder in Italian. And yes, they are very sexy.)

The magic Tinder app uses your Facebook information to create your profile, ergo it uses your real first name and age (unless you’ve lied about your age on your Facebook account – and none of us would do that, would we?).  It tracks your location via GPS.  You input your age preferences for your suitor and the distance you are willing to drive for your date.  Tinder then offers you men within your comfort zone.  Loosening up on your age and distance limitations only brings in boatloads more men.

Swiping to the left means, “No thanks,” and swiping to the right means “Yessie!” Right off the bat I was offered a veritable smorgasbord of potential suitors.

I had never swiped in my life, but after a few misdirected taps and accidental smudges, I was swiping like a pro; swiping with abandon, even flourish.  If music were playing, I would swipe to the beat.  I could walk and swipe.  I could spin and swipe.  And after a couple of drinks, I could dance and swipe.  I’d swipe in line at the bank, at the market, at my gynecologist.  At one point, I feared carpal tunnel.  I took a break; iced, a couple of Advil, and was back at it.

The goal on Tinder is the coveted “Match.”  This is when your little face icon does a dance, bounces, and collides with his little face icon; hearts abound, and Shazam! Your cell phone decrees “It’s A Match!”  This means he has also swiped “yes” to your profile.  Yes!  He likes me!  There is no greater feeling in the world.  And with each bouncing, popping, dancing-heart match, I saw my future, my new life, and the answer to all my problems.

I was wrong.

CAUTION: Tinder is very transparent, and extremely addictive.  Consider yourself warned.

Edited and published on ESME.com 2016






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