Monthly Archives

October 2018

    Love in the Middle Ages

    Douchebag Photo-Speed-Reading

    How to tell he’s a douchebag based solely on profile pics:

    (The following is an immediate LEFT SWIPE. Use the time you save to get a facial.)

    – Pictures with his sports car – douchebag                  
    – Pictures on his boat – douchebag
    – Pictures with celebrities – douchebag
    – Pictures in front of his mansion – liar
    – Pictures with other chicks – douchebag
    – Pictures wearing sunglasses – Take them off! We want to see your eyes.
    (And if one is lazy, we don’t care, but we want to know about it in advance.)
    – Pictures drinking booze – loser
    – Pictures partying with chicks with big tits – über-douchebag
    – Pictures out of focus – lying about his age
    – High School pictures – lying about his age, weight and hair
    – Pictures on a Godzilla-sized, too-polished Harley – small dick
    – Pictures wearing a hat in every shot – bald (We don’t care but own it!)
    – Pictures with a dead dear he just shot – Fuck you!
    – Pictures with a dead fish he just caught – his fingers stink
    – Pictures of food he’s prepared – Big deal. We cook food every night
    – Baby pictures – We don’t give a shit.
    – Pictures with his mom – meh
    – Selfies on a pillow with a “come hither” look – only works if you are Brad Pitt
    – I’m so intense photos – Lighten up!