DICKTIONARY OF DATING TERMS
and “Tinderspeak”
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT make a date to “chill and watch Netflix” with any dude you meet on-line… unless you want to get laid. And, yes, I was stupid enough to make this mistake – because when I started my Tinder journey, I had yet to master the new and obscure language that goes with it. I was grateful just to have the wherewithal to get the app on my phone.
But thanks to extensive research, and years of studies in the field, I’ve become proficient in the modern language of Tinder. I may have forgotten my college French, but I can happily boast a fluency in on-line swipe-speak.
Therefore, for those still in Tindergarten, the following is a list of relevant terms and expressions for on-line dating so you can be in the loop, in the know… and know when to swipe on.
NOTE: Since this new language will most likely overtake any and all laguages currently spoken in our universe, and a new term is coined once every three seconds, I will keep you updated… I got your back sister!
143 –
• numerical sequence representing number of letters in each word of, “I love you.”
• term generally used by dudes when a chick jumps the gun and tells him she loves him after, like, the third date. “Had to bail on her. Chick went all 143 on me.”
aggro –
• abbreviation for “aggressive”
• adjective describing emotional action taken by a woman when another woman judges her for on-line dating. “Amy went all aggro on Kelly because Kelly told her TInder was only for hook-ups.”
AF –
• Tindernym for “as fuck’” as in super-duper
• adjective for chick who is so fucking single that she goes on Tinder i.e., “She was single AF.” Or #singleaf
AP –
• Tindernym for “ass poopin’” as in super-fun
• term used by dudes to indicate super-fun when they are too stupid to know that anything to do with “ass” or “pooping” does not turn us gals on
ATM –
• Tindernym for “ass to mouth” (Sadly, it’s a thing)
• Tindernym screaming at you to SWIPE LEFT!
awky –
• abbreviation for “awkward”
• women’s description of how men dance
bae –
• slang for “babe” or “baby”
• Tindernym for Before All Else (awwww)
• slang used by dudes way too young for you
BBW –
• Tindernym for big, beautiful woman (BBBW – big, beautiful, black woman)
bencher –
• dude who texts you once in a while but never makes plans
BNO –
• Tindernym for “Boys Night Out.” Precious.
Body by Mattel –
• dude’s description of a chick whose body is more plastic than real
Bye Felicia –
• dismissive expression
• when someone says they’re leaving and nobody gives a shit, their name magically becomes “Felicia.” People roll their eyes, say “Whatevs…Bye Felicia,” then go back to whatever. Her real name is irrelevant – because nobody gives a shit.
“I’m outta here!”
“Bye Felicia.”
“Who’s Felicia?”
Bipolar disorder –
• also known as “bipolar affective disorder” and “manic-depressive illness,” – a very real and serious mental disorder characterized by periods of elevated mood and periods of depression
• a condition suffered by 100% of ex-wives and ex-girlfriends of men on Tinder, and according to said men, the reason for the break-up
calling card –
• super important first profile picture. (Also referred to as “primary photo”)
• most important decision you will ever make in your life
camboy –
• male “model” who seduces you with bullshit texts and photos, then surprises you with footage of him masturbating, thinking this will compel you to pay for his “sexual services.” Generally for his own perv thrill, but often successful in solicitation of money (NOTE: If you succumb to this, I will hunt you down and make you eat sardines. You are beautiful and you don’t need a camboy.)
• service no single mom should utilize because her kids might walk in
CFM –
• Tindernym for “Come Fuck Me”
• male request for woman’s appearance in text photos. Generally, a specific desire for stiletto heels by assholes who think this request will turn us on, without regard to the fact that they hurt our feet and make us not want to fuck you
Him, “Send me a picture of you in CFM pumps”
You, “Fuck off!”
chill and watch Netflix –
• code for sex
collector –
• dude who swipes right on every chick so he can rack up as many Tinder girlfriends as possible then brag to his dude friends about his numbers
creeper –
• dude who connects with women on Tinder with no intention of going out with them because he is a freak and unable to have face-to-face interactions with women
cruiser –
• dude who had a girlfriend but creeper-Tinders anyway to rack up matches because he is a douchebag with a small dick
D-bag –
• slang for “douchebag”
• dude who is a total shit-wanker; ironically applies to any dude who uses the term “D-bag”
D&D free –
• drug and disease free
• what’s the world coming to?
duck face –
• only way chicks know how to smile anymore. (Ladies, enough of the lip-filler. You are beautiful. You don’t need it. You are role models for your daughters.)
EMFP –
• acronym used in publications of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator to refer to one of 16 personality types (extraversion, intuition, feeling, perception)
• acronym used by dudes to test if you are intelligent by knowing what “ENFP” means. Please note, I had to Google ENFP
F2F –
• Tindernym for “face to face”
fingermouthing –
• pornish-sounding infinitive verb referring to the act of posing with duck face while incorporating finger on or around the lip rim
fish gape –
• selfie pose with mouth slightly open, eyes staring at camera, looking like a fish
• ridiculous selfie pose used by women who think it will make a dude hot for them. It doesn’t. Ergo male-invented term “fish gape.”
420 Friendly –
• person who likes to smoke pot
FWB –
• Tindernym for “friends with benefits”
• when a dude wants to sleep with you on his terms, no strings attached, because you are just “friends,” and you do it because you think you are cool and hip and evolved and can “just have sex” without getting hurt
• something chicks agree to when they are totally lying to themselves
freakout –
• when you accidentally swipe right on someone you totally do not want, and you match
• when you find out from girlfriend that she’s already Tinder-dated the dude you are going out with tonight, and he likes golden showers
golden showers –
• when a dude pees on you
• dude with serious intimacy issues
get some strange –
• when dude in a relationship longer than three months engages in sexual intercourse with someone other than his girlfriend
• practice utilized by shitbags and my ex
ghosting (a/k/a slow fade) –
• when a dude does not want to see you anymore (or wants to keep you as a backup plan) and gradually stops responding to your texts
• strategy employed by cowards and d-bags
GMTA –
• Tindernym for “Great minds think alike”
• exclamation when man and woman text the same thing at the same time. Generally causes sense of jubilation, especially in females who also experience a conviction that it is “meant to be”
healthy lifestyle –
• code for sober
hand congress –
• dude’s hand is called into session when Tinder doesn’t work