Love in the Middle Ages

Douchebag Photo-Speed-Reading

How to tell he’s a douchebag based solely on profile pics:

(The following is an immediate LEFT SWIPE. Use the time you save to get a facial.)

– Pictures with his sports car – douchebag                  
– Pictures on his boat – douchebag
– Pictures with celebrities – douchebag
– Pictures in front of his mansion – liar
– Pictures with other chicks – douchebag
– Pictures wearing sunglasses – Take them off! We want to see your eyes.
(And if one is lazy, we don’t care, but we want to know about it in advance.)
– Pictures drinking booze – loser
– Pictures partying with chicks with big tits – über-douchebag
– Pictures out of focus – lying about his age
– High School pictures – lying about his age, weight and hair
– Pictures on a Godzilla-sized, too-polished Harley – small dick
– Pictures wearing a hat in every shot – bald (We don’t care but own it!)
– Pictures with a dead dear he just shot – Fuck you!
– Pictures with a dead fish he just caught – his fingers stink
– Pictures of food he’s prepared – Big deal. We cook food every night
– Baby pictures – We don’t give a shit.
– Pictures with his mom – meh
– Selfies on a pillow with a “come hither” look – only works if you are Brad Pitt
– I’m so intense photos – Lighten up!

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